


Sincerely, Castiel.

by nameru



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel POV, Destiel - Freeform, Hurt Castiel, Hurt No Comfort, Letter, M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-19
Updated: 2013-03-19
Packaged: 2017-12-05 20:13:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/727462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nameru/pseuds/nameru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel writes a series of letters to a stranger, describing his love for Dean from the beginning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sincerely, Castiel.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, this might or might not be in the format of The Perks of Being a Wallflower.

Dear friend,  
Balthazar showed me around this new creation he called Earth. We walked around and he showed me a fish. He stopped me and said, “Don’t step on that fish Castiel, big plans for that fish.” I’m not sure what this means, but I’m interested in what a fish can do. Gabriel came to visit today, and he told me, “Ya gotta start getting out there, lil’ bro. I’m sure there are plenty of angels that are willing to touch your wings.” I for one, am not interested in bonding with any angels. I am waiting for a righteous soul to care for, someone who deserves the admiration I have. Balthazar is insisting that I sign up for watch over Earth, and I’m slightly reluctant, as it’s not too interesting yet. But perhaps when I run out of things to do here in Heaven I’ll sign up.  
Sincerely,  
Castiel.

***

Dear friend,  
Today I saw Dean Winchester come into this world. It was truly an exciting sight to see. Not only is he a healthy human, but there's something about him that stirs my grace. I'm not sure what this feeling is. Lets hope for the best in this child's future. Micheal told me that I am assigned to the Winchesters permanently, but that I must not contact them directly. I wonder if I’ll ever get to talk to Dean when he's older, and perhaps watch and help him succeed in life. I’m glad that I decided to come watch over Earth. Humans are very interesting, and sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to be one.  
Sincerely,  
Castiel.

***

Dear friend,  
Today, Mary Winchester died. I want to help John catch Azazel, but Micheal said that I'm still not allowed to contact them. Sometimes I think of contacting them anyways, but I'm still afraid of Micheal after all of these years. I worry for Sam and Dean's future, since their father is only worrying about catching Azazel rather than helping his sons cope with their loss. Humans continue to amaze me. Dean is growing up to be quite a character from what I can tell. I can still remember when I first saw him. Every time I see Dean, I still feel that feeling from when I first saw him. It's a strange feeling, that I don't think I've ever felt before the day I laid my eyes on Dean. Dean’s soul is growing quite bright, and it’s growing even brighter every day. I hope that I'll meet him face to face soon. I don't believe that Dean knows that angels are truly watching over him, and I would very much like to show him that they are.  
Sincerely,  
Castiel.

*** 

Dear Friend,  
Dean was sent to hell a couple of days ago. I have been working to fight my way into hell to save him, but its taking a lot more work than I anticipated. I don't believe that Dean will be give in to Alastair’s offer. I heard that he is working hard though, to recruit Dean into his posse of torturers. Micheal is saying that I should put my hope into Sam rather than Dean, that Dean is finished. However I'm ready to prove him wrong for once, I have faith in Dean Winchester. I am willing to fight as long as it takes to raise Dean from perdition. I waited long enough for a righteous man like Dean to admire, and I'm not willing to let him go early. Perhaps I should have contacted the Winchesters earlier, maybe that could have prevented all of this chaos.  
Sincerely,  
Castiel.

***

Dear friend,  
I'm sorry that I haven't written in a while. But I think you'd be happy to know that I finally saved Dean Winchester from hell. It took me 40 years, but I finally did it. I was almost too late, Dean had already given in to Alastair’s offer, but with a bit of help I was able to convince him that he should return with me. However, I don't believe he remembers me back here on Earth. I attempted to contact him, but I think that he is unable to perceive my true form and voice. What a shame, I was hoping that he would be more special than the others. Michael has stopped bothering me as much, but Raphael is starting to bother all of us. I wonder what he's planning.  
Sincerely,  
Castiel.

***

Dear friend,  
Today I finally did it. I contacted Dean Winchester, and he was able to understand me. I was hoping I'd catch him alone, but unfortunately I had to face Sam Winchester and Robert Singer. No matter, I still was able to speak with Dean alone. He has so many freckles, and his soul pulsates more brightly in person, more than when it's in hell. I don't think Dean really believes in angels, or in a God, or that he's worthy of doing some of heaven's work. But I want him to know that he is righteous, and deserves all of the respect in the universe, and that he is indeed worthy of being saved. I’m willing to show that to him.  
Sincerely,  
Castiel.

***

Dear friend,  
Once again I apologize I haven't been writing. I've been too busy attempting to prevent the apocalypse, and it was a successful attempt, thanks to Dean and Sam Winchester. I think that they both now realize how important human beings they are, and that they deserve recognition. Recently, I was asked to erase the memories of Deans loved ones, Lisa and Ben. I feel sorry for them, but now Dean can realize that there are there are other people who might care for Dean more, and accept him for who he is and what he is meant to do. This feeling that I have whenever I see Dean is growing stronger and stronger everyday. I can't quite put a name to it yet. I’m also starting to think I don't believe that there is a god anymore. I believe that the closest person to Him on my list is Dean. He has shown me more kindness and many more new things about Earth than my own father has.  
Sincerely,  
Castiel.

***

Dear friend,  
I was God for a bit. It was the worst experience I've had. I was foolish enough to believe that consuming souls from purgatory would be a safe thing to do. Luckily, Sam and Dean saved me, as they always do. I am back now, after I had temporarily disappeared and lost my memory. I enjoy watching bugs and insects, especially green ones. They remind me of Deans eyes. Bees are nice as well, they are intelligent creatures, and they are quite fun to chat with. I don't believe that Sam and Dean truly want to be friends with me anymore, since I'm "off my rockers", as Crowley said. I hope this isn't true, I very much like being their friend. If they truly don't want to be my friend anymore, and don't want my help, I hope that they both know that I admire them. And I hope that Dean knows that I truly love him. I have finally found and understood that word, love. I believe this is the feeling I've been having all of this time... Or maybe it's just that I'm "off my rockers".  
Sincerely,  
Castiel.

***

Dear friend,  
I returned from purgatory a couple of days ago, and I have finally found Dean. It took me a bit to find him, I had no idea where I was or how I had returned, but I eventually located him. He looked... Only a bit excited to see me, I had wished for a better reaction. After what happened in purgatory, I believe Dean is still shaken up about how things left off. I don't believe he remembers things correctly, that I decided to stay behind when he left. I also decided to leave out the fact that one night where I had professed my love for him, he shook his head and went to sleep. This had been another reason why I decided to stay in purgatory. I find no real reason to live without being recognized by Dean. I was honestly quite disappointed, when I woke up one morning and found myself back on earth, without Dean looking for me.  
Sincerely,  
Castiel.

***

Dear friend,  
We attempted to look for all of the missing tablets, with no success. We found the demon tablet with no troubles, but I'm afraid Crowley got to the rest before us. I'm sure he had known where the rest were long before we knew. Kevin and his mother were the first to pass, caught in a fire in one of the warehouses Crowley was stationed at. I believe Kevin was stuck in the warehouse and his mother refused to leave without him. They are both peacefully resting in heaven, I presume. Meg disappeared, I'm not sure when, but one minute she was there, fighting a couple of Crowley's hounds, and the next, she was gone. Dean said that its likely she "chickened out like the pussy she always was." I believe that she was kidnapped and killed, she has betrayed hell far too often to receive any mercy. Sam left not too soon after that. After a fight with Dean, he packed his bag, and yelled, "There's no way we can win this one, Dean! All we have is us two broken brothers and a fallen angel who's so busy trying to get you to notice him that he forgets that the world in on the brink of ending!" before he left. After he left, Dean turned to me and asked, "Is it true?" I left immediately, not wanting to confront him yet. I have not returned since, though I can hear Dean pleading for me.  
Sincerely,  
Castiel.

***

Dear friend,  
I saw Dean recently, when he was on brink of death. I believe his liver was failing, due to the amount of alcohol he consumed in his lifetime. I would have healed him, had I not been completely mortal by then. Dean apologized to me, and wanted me to find and apologize to Sam for him. That's the moment when I first kissed Dean Winchester, and it would be the last as well. As his soul began to fade away, I could feel a part of me fade with it. I am not an angel anymore, and I can't see human souls any longer, but Dean’s is so special, so unique, that I know that I will never forget it. I think it hasn't quite sunk in yet, the fact that he's gone. At least I'm mortal now. Perhaps one day I’ll join him in his personal heaven, but I'm afraid that day can't come soon enough for me. I like to think Dean made me the person that I am today. He truly is the most righteous man. Even if he does not return the love that I feel for him, I want it to be known how much Dean is worth. I want to be able to lay next to Dean and count every single one of his freckles, map them out, learn them. I want him to be the only person that I think of when I see the color green, and I want Dean to say, at least once, "I love you, Cas." in that sweet, rough voice that I loved since the day I first heard it. As I realize this all now, I’m starting to believe this is the last letter that I will be writing. Perhaps in the afterlife, I’ll find someone else to write to. As I mentioned before, I don't believe my life is worth living if its not with Dean Winchester.  
Thank you.  
Sincerely,  
Castiel Winchester.


End file.
